Saturday, December 31, 2011

Madness

It was a rough 24 hours or so. I woke up on Friday morning just feeling awful. My legs felt so weak and tired. And I felt exhausted to the bone. I made the decision to skip my cross-training workout, but I think that ended up making it worse. Knowing that I would be at Disney in a week really freaked me out. I spent the whole day intermittently breaking into tears. I was full of such fear and doubt. Can I really even attempt to participate in this Marathon Weekend when I've barely been able to train? Am I going to be all alone again walking like I did in Savannah? Was it even worth it to get up at 2 AM for two days in a row and try to finish? And I was lamenting my achy, weak, and tired legs. WHY are they so sore??  When is this ever going to be over?!

I woke up this morning feeling much the same way. I had planned 5 miles on the elliptical, but I was having a hard time wondering what was the point. But, as I have for too many days in the last two months, I got up and did my stretches and rolling like a good girl. My husband made the mistake of asking me what was wrong and I ripped his head off. NOT my best moment. I burst into tears yet again, and then cried all the way to the gym.

Thankfully the first couple of songs on my playlist were just what I needed to hear - praise songs, including one that I mentioned a few days ago. It was enough to remind me that I don't need to face this weekend with my own strength. It was also enough to remind me that I should have been praying more this week instead of sinking into misery. I texted an apology to my husband. I wish I could text one to God as well. :(

I don't know what next weekend has in store for me. It's very disconcerting. I'm a planner and I don't know what will happen. It scares me. I am very, very scared. I need to get over this so I'm not a party-pooper at my happy place!

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