Yesterday was my last run before Marathon Weekend. My knees felt just fine, really, but I didn't actually run very much. I did a 1 minute run/4 minute walk interval to test it for marathon weekend. I wanted to make sure it would come in under the required 16 minute mile pace and it was fine. I did run outside despite the cold temps and high winds mostly because I didn't want to try something new - I've never run on a treadmill before. I did have trouble with my left shin and the ball of my right foot. I think it might be because I wore heels to church on Sunday. At least I hope it is. I really don't know.
I am tired. Not just physically tired, though I'm feeling that way, too, since I'm not sleeping well. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. Running was my escape and my release. And now it's just One More Thing I have to battle. I know I'm supposed to trust in the Lord, and I do. I am. It's not about that. The races this weekend aren't even really the major focus of my fatigue. I trust that God will get me through. I don't know if that means that I will finish either of the races, and at this point I'm too exhausted to care. It's going to be a battle for either race, and that's the part that I'm not really sure I care about anymore.
I've never had to face a race (or two) where I was completely and utterly unprepared. I know I've been doing the elliptical and bike and stuff for the last few weeks, but I really don't know if that's enough to prepare me for run/walking the distances that are ahead of me this weekend. And if I do try to run/walk these races will it push me back in the "progress" I seem to have made recently? Will I have to start all over again? I can't afford more physical therapy. I'd have to battle back on my own. Is it worth it?
I'm tired of battling. I've been battling so much for years. Running has become One More Thing. There are many things in my life that I have to battle, for my children's sake. Autism. Epilepsy. Anxiety. I have no choice in those battles. My kids can't battle those things on their own. But I don't have to battle my body if I don't want to.
I need to figure out if running is worth the battle.