I think I have developed this mental illness. It may not be in the DSM manual, but it should be! Allow me to describe how it worked during my workouts this morning. (And yes, workouts - as in plural. The pool is closed tomorrow so I had to bump my swim back to today. I ran first, then I swam.)
Mile 1 of run - talk myself out of Ironman 70.3 Augusta, it's too expensive and we could use the money for other things
*** I should note here that I had woken up this morning determined not to do IM because of the comments on a triathlon board I frequent to my question about the unexpected expenses involved with a HIM. But then when I checked the board, someone else had posted that you don't HAVE to do it that way, and it's perfectly reasonable to do a HIM fairly reasonably. So that put me back on the, "I could do this!" bandwagon.
And now, back to the run.
Mile 2 of run - decide that I should do Augusta.
Mile 3 of run - daydream about doing the Ironman, and wondering if I could finish before the cutoff
Mile 4 of run - convince myself that I would barely make the cutoff because my cycling is still slow, so maybe it would be better to wait until 2015, once I'm trained up properly
Mile 5 of run - thought about something else besides triathlon! No, I'm not kidding!
Mile 6 of run - it's back! Remembering what my mother said about not knowing what a couple of years might hold. Decide that I should do Augusta in 2014.
There was some stretching and while I stretched I debated staying at my mom's house vs. getting a hotel in Augusta. Also wondered if I should ask Mom to go with me. She hasn't been to one of my triathlons yet. Then started to remember how my first marathon went, and how much pain I was in. My aunt and uncle were there, and I was able to keep from them exactly how bad it was. Could I do that with Mom? And if I couldn't, what would that do to me, or to her?
Drove to the pool during this time. By the time I'm in the water, I have decided yet again not to do Augusta. I will do Olympic distance this year and do a Half Ironman in 2015 or 2016. It's not like I'm not going to fall out of love with triathlon!
I did several sets of laps today for my swim. My warm-up set consisted of me thinking not a lot about triathlon and more about the fact that the pool is set up for yards on Mondays which always freaks me out. I go when it's set up for meters. Not really a big difference, but enough to make me feel off for the warm up.
My next set was breast stroke and back stroke. While I was doing these, I started thinking about the current in the river at the Augusta 70.3 and how cool that must be to be going down river in a wetsuit! And it isn't in the ocean, although a river is pretty freaky. I remembered how people are telling me that Augusta is the perfect HIM for a beginner. I decide that I'm going to go for it.
The next set was my endurance set where I practice long, smooth strokes while only taking breaths every 5 strokes. I decided to try to put a little OOMPH into these today. Because I need to really get my swim up to par for a HIM. I've been sort of slacking on the swim mileage. I start trying to calculate how long it will be until I get home, and wonder if the kids are even awake yet, since it's their first day of Christmas break. Then I get this horrible reminder that my son wrecked his vehicle and we haven't yet found out how much it will cost to fix it. I decide I should not be spending any money on me. My kid needs a driveable car! What kind of a mother am I that I would dream of spending money on me and not on him. I am ashamed.
The last set before the cool down was my speed practice and where I practice breathing on one side only (I do a bilateral breathing techniques most of the time). I am mad at myself for being a selfish mother, which makes the speed come easier. And I start thinking of how strong I have gotten over the last year with my swim, and although I am not totally pleased that I am developing swimmer's shoulders and back, it's cool that I'm feeling strong. And it's not that much money to spend on Ironman. I just won't do any of the 5Ks or 10Ks I usually do that eat up so much money. I could swing this all on my race budget if I'm careful - and I'd spend that money on me anyway, so it wouldn't be taking money away from my son's car repairs.
The cool down was spent thinking about the fact that I was going to be completing 2000 yards in the pool for the first time. That's almost the distance for the HIM swim, and I've still got 9 months to go. I am feeling awesome! And boy, do I have to pee!
OK, so that's basically how my brain worked this morning. It's been like this since Saturday. It's actually giving me a headache! What do I do?!?